Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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