I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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