I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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