He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
