do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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