so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
