i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
