I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
