dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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