I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
