I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
