today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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