I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
