he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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