my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
