remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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