Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
