i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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