I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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