The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
