Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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