the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
