Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
