i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
