I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
