im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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