i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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