Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
