Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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