omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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