I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
