Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
