Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
