could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
