everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
