How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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