i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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