New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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