got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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