We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
