just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
