I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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