Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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