he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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