Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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