A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How naked do you want me to be?
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