i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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