i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
