i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
