I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
