You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
